


The Right Thing

by Sarah1281



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 48: the return, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4731128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David abducts Ax instead of Cassie in 48 and now the time has come to deal with David once and for all. Will Ax be as quick to leave Rachel alone to do what she has to? How could he possibly after sharing the horror of trapping him in the first place?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Thing

I ran over to the cube in which Ax was held prisoner. Dug my claws into the lock. It popped easily, and I opened the top.

Ax slowly stepped out of the box. If I hadn't noticed his claustrophobia on my own then I still remembered when Visser One (then Visser Three) had spelled it out for me that that was an exploitable Andalite trait. This must have been absolute hell for him, being trapped in a too-confined space where he was slowly running out of air.

I doubted that David had been around long enough to notice this himself or that he was paying enough attention to. No. As David had made very clear, he had gone after Ax because he wasn't human and so somehow it wouldn't be murder if I didn't do as he 'asked.' Bullshit. But it wasn't surprising that a cretin like David would find ways to avoid the responsibility for his actions.

I kind of wondered how Ax had managed to be overwhelmed by a bunch of rats but then I had been taken, too. Sure I didn't have a tail to defend myself with and hadn't had enough time to morph but since Crayak was involved I guess I could cut him some slack.

The sheer panic and almost total loss of air had left Ax unsteady on his feet but he was determined to get out of that box. I was still feeling the effects of being trapped in my own box and in rat form and I hadn't even properly been in it for as long as Ax.

Ax seemed to be calming and he looked up at me. {Thank you for your assistance, Rachel.}

That made me feel a little better. It's always nice to be appreciated. {Anytime, Ax.}

{We need to leave before those two return and bring anyone else,} Ax advised.

I demorphed and then shook my head. "You go ahead. I'll catch up."

Ax understood instantly. {You're going after David.}

I nodded. "I have to. We couldn't just let him go two years ago, even trapped as a rat. Now that he's making deals with Crayak and still trying to fuck us over, nothing's changed. Maybe it's even more important to stop him now when he's had time to forget what the Yeerks did to him and to dwell on what we've done."

Ax didn't argue with me. He knew that I was right and he was enough of a warrior not to insult me by pretending otherwise.

{What are you planning? He got off this island once,} Ax pointed out.

I felt the old anger rise up. Did he really want to know? Really? Of course he didn't. None of them did. I didn't want to know but one of us had to do it. Why did he have to ask? So he could tell me not to do it even though he knew that I had to? He'd be happier not letting himself admit to knowing what I was doing so that when he found out he could disapprove. He could place himself quite firmly on the side of the angels while I'm only connected by association. They did the same when David told them how I'd threatened his parents even though Jake knew what I'd do and let me go anyway. More than that, he'd stopped Cassie from stopping me.

But…Ax rarely commented on intergroup conflict no matter who was involved, claiming that it wasn't his place to get involved with human matters. He hadn't even wanted to vote on David but had been pressured by Jake to do so. And – unlike me – he'd guessed right, him and Marco. If it were up to them then David would be a Controller right now but he'd never have ended up trapped as a rat. Was that better? I didn't know.

I wondered what Jake would have chosen if David hadn't woken up right then and forced his hand.

And Ax was the one who had stayed with me to trap David in the first place; I had to remember that. He'd had to stay to tell me when David was a nothlit because I wouldn't have known on my own. Still, he'd done his duty unflinchingly and so had I. He couldn't judge me for that because he had been right there alongside me.

I felt my anger drain away. "He only escaped with Crayak's help. We chose a good place. Crayak's done with him; he failed. We'll be fine taking him back."

{I don't think you can do that again,} Ax said quietly. If it had been anyone else than my anger would have flared up again at being judged and attempted to be talked down by someone who knew just how necessary this was. But Ax knew. He was there and he didn't think he could do it again either.

I sighed. "I have to, Ax. You know that. Can you think of any other way out?"

Ax's stalk eyes dropped. {I cannot.}

"Then," I said, a certainty in my voice that I didn't feel, "I have to do it. It's as simple as that. And I'll be able to because I have to."

Ax was quiet for a long while. Then he said, {There's something strangely selfless about that, Rachel.}

I drew back, surprised. "What are you talking about?"

{You're not trying to pretend this is easy. There's no point because I know that it is not,} Ax said simply. {But you will do it anyway because it is necessary regardless of how it will affect you. And that is why it is selfless.}

I was stunned. 'Selfless'? Hardly the word I would use to describe myself. Impulsive, violent, frustrated, maybe even crazy. But selfless? That was a word reserved for good people like Cassie. I just had to make sure that she could stay selfless. She needed ot be a good guy and I needed her – and the others – to be a good guy as well. If they were good guys and I was on their team then didn't that make me a good guy, too? Even when I had to be the bad guy.

"I don't think I've very selfless," I told him flatly.

{Not always, perhaps,} Ax allowed. {But right now? Absolutely.}

It was nice to be seen in such a positive way for once, even if it wasn't t true.

"You should go," I told him. "You don't want to be here for this."

{No, I don't,} Ax admitted. {But I can't just walk away and let you do this alone.}

Ax wanted to talk about selfless? That was selflessness and it completely floored me. I was so used to being automatically turned to and not really given a choice about being the bad guy. It's not like they intended to force me to do it – that would make them the bad guys – but if I didn't do it then who would? I was so tied up in the ugly side of things that I could never unentangle myself.

Ax didn't need to be here this time and he knew it. David was already trapped and it only took one to carry a rat back to an island in talons. Even if Ax did come, it's not like the two of us could co-carry him. He would just come so I didn't have to carry this burden alone.

I loved him for that. We've never really been close but that was a gift that no one had ever given me before and as much as I wanted to take him up on that, as much as I wanted to not have to be the one to carry that weight alone for a change (judged and feared by those I sought to protect), I knew that I could never allow it.

"You have to," I said softly.

{Why?} Ax challenged.

Because for the first time I was given a real, observable choice to protect someone or not instead of just sort of falling into that role by default. Maybe I had been making this same decision every day for the last three years but I'd never been aware of it like I was now. Someone had to do it so why not me? Someone had to take the hit and I was so very good at it.

If doing it myself meant that I could protect the others…Ax wanted to help me through this and I wanted to protect him.

Maybe he knew what I'd been doing all this time even if he never said anything, even if no one ever said anything. Jake certainly knew. I knew that Ax would bristle at the very notion of being protected from the harsh realities of war, though, and if I phrased it that way then he'd never agree to leave.

"Because I need to do this," I insisted. "My honor depends on it."

That stopped him cold. Yes, I had chosen the right approach. {Your…honor? Please elaborate.}

"This is my mess, Ax. I'm the one that David hated enough to make a deal with Crayak and to personally try to destroy. You just got caught up in it to try to make sure I'd play nice and the others don't even know that David's back," I replied.

{That still doesn't mean-} Ax stared to say.

"It does, though!" I cut him off. "I didn't do enough of a good job in the first place."

{You can't blame yourself for the actions of Crayak,} Ax insisted.

"And…" Here I hesitated but I had to convince him. "You remember why, exactly, David hated me so much. I may have gone overboard. If I hadn't then who knows how this might have turned out?"

{You did nothing to David until after he had already turned on us and tried to kill Tobias,} Ax reminded me.

Why was he making this so difficult? Maybe it had something to do with not wanting to feel like he was running away.

"Maybe this feeling of failure and need to make up for it isn't entirely rational," I said slowly. "Honor usually isn't or do you not remember going off on a suicidal assassination mission against someone who I honestly think might be immune from death when you were just a kid and we really needed you?"

Ax looked down. "I remember."

"It was about honor and while it really annoyed us that you were doing it, we understood. I understood. This is about honor, too, Ax. I can't let anyone else make up for my mistake," I said with an air of finality.

Ax was silent and I knew that he was looking for another argument to use. He wouldn't be able to find one, though, and he never could resist the honor argument. I knew enough about Andalite culture and Ax's desperation to retain some of it even after all this time to know that.

{I meant what I said, Rachel,} he told me at last. {This is brave and selfless and I will not forget it.}

I nodded, my thought already drifting back to David. Hopefully I hadn't wasted too much time here that he'd run away. I'd find him if he did, though. Whatever it took.

I'd take him back to the island even if it killed me, even if I had to listen to his screams and pleas again and they haunted my nightmares in the weeks and months to come.

I had to because I didn't want anyone else to have to and it must be done. I guess it really is a matter of honor after all.


End file.
